Woke up at 2am to the anxiety and burning sensation. Thought crosses my mind that I should ask my body what is going on rather than coercing with drugs. Deeply breathing and relaxing. Let myself off the hook and knew part of me was just protecting me and tried to talk to it. Why am I so resistent to my day job, why am I so depressed, what is going on? I know I'm carrying stress in my shoulder and left side. I promised my self that we would become who we are and accept there are no guarantees.
I continued to breath deep and relax so I could hear/feel/see the answer. I relaxed right into sleep. I dreamt of a friend I knew 20 years ago. He had aged and become a teacher. A group of us were fighting an enemy that took away our valuables and disrupted our lives.
I woke up asking myself "What's the point of gaining anything if it's just going to be taken away?" Material posessions, friends, family, routines, memories -- nothing is beyond the reach of being taken away. So why should I do anything?
Experience. The experience of Will.
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